I have my dog and my blog!

If I could gather up all the days
I spent wrapped up in you
and somehow get them back…
I would have a whole life to live again.

You know that this is going to happen this weekend, Jami. Right? That you are going to go to this place. That you will dig deep into this hole and cover yourself up in the pain and tears that go with it all? Went… with it…

It’s gone. The pain… it could be anyway. If I wanted to let it go. If YOU wanted to let it go. There doesn’t have to be space for it. There can be memories without pain? I am sure of it. I can smile through them. I did it once. I did it then when they were happening. I surely can do it again if I wanted to – needed to? Surely?

Doesn’t have to be so much thought to everything all the time!
Why so much energy into something that doesn’t exist all the damn time, Jami?

I was just dancing around my little living room with this amazing beast…


and I was smiling… and then a hint of him danced through my head and this post started to develop. That’s when I realized that I have wasted so much of my life on thoughts that don’t matter… so much time on people that I can’t get back and so little time on Paisley… and myself.

I don’t know that it will ever change. I am who I am. I work on it all the time. I actually work on Smiling. Yeah…

This weekend is going to suck. I realize I am setting myself up for it right now – honestly I started a long time ago… but, it’s gonna be a tough one.

I have my dog… and my blog! We’ll see how it goes.

5 thoughts on “I have my dog and my blog!

  1. As I commented in the last post, I LOVE Bailey!

    I loved the image of you dancing in your living room with Bailey, J – it made me smile, and the picture is just priceless!

    I had a horrible, horrible weekend. Basically it was a 48-hour relapse based on little sleep Friday night. I’m pulling out of it now, thank God. I hope with all my heart that your weekend was way better than my hell. I cried so much and guess who came and licked my tears? My Lucy pup. That puppy (well, she’s almost a year now and looks like a dog, not a puppy anymore, sniff sniff) is medicine – make no mistake about that. I know you get it!!!

    XOXOXOXOXOXO to you & B!

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