Anxiety, Gravity and the Deep Freeze


I don’t wanna do that.
I don’t wanna do anything.

Think it’s safe to say this may be an anxiety issue.

In the last 10 days, I’ve worked 1 of them because of the weather. Which means, because of the weather I haven’t been out much. I’ve sat and done very little. I’ve been in my head a lot. Not ever a very good idea. You melt into your chair or couch or bed.

Which isn’t to say I couldn’t go out.

I haven’t.

Not to say Paisley hasn’t asked. I went out with her yesterday.

Ok, so now gravity is pulling me down… frozen actually. You know, the anxiety FREEZE! The Anxiety gravity that pulls at you and eats at you… makes you stupid and makes you forget the strength you had just 5 minutes ago.

Fucking freeze. Fucking gravity.

So, I look out and see the snow which is falling again. I look at my phone and see the Windchill Alert for tonight on through til tomorrow after 10 am… kids can’t walk to school in that. It’s a safe bet we won’t go tomorrow either. Ah, the sweet life of the bipolar teacher. Great job! Yes, great job!

It’s freezing everywhere. Literally everywhere.

Well, Paisley isn’t freezing. She’s moving… constantly moving. Reminding me that, “it’s not so bad, Momma… let’s go play”. I think if she could put a leash around my neck she’d drag my ass outside.

Gravity… pulling me down… holding me down.

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