This may ramble. My therapist got in trouble. Plain and simple. Not going into it. Wasn’t anything inappropriate with a patient… he’s still practicing. But, it’s enough that my world is extremely unstable at the moment. I am hugely uncomfortable. Immensely uncomfortable. I have vomited nonstop since I found out yesterday.
I have started this entry many times. It’s not going to have the impact I want it to have because there isn’t anyway I can describe the relationship that I have with him. It doesn’t really matter anyway. I don’t blog for anyone’s pleasure. I just need to talk. I need to get this shit out because I am so fucking freaked out that I can’t stand it.
It’s a big God damn deal to me. I have trusted him when I couldn’t trust anyone. Believed in him when I could not or can’t believe in myself. Gone on in my life because he told me I should and I believed him so I did because it was the best I could do at the time! Tell me that no one else has been there and done that?
God Damn it I’m sorry, but, I have a relationship with a therapist that people search for sometimes and never find. I have worked VERY hard to make it work. We have worked hard on it! I drive 5 hours round trip every week/2 weeks to keep this relationship.
Fucker!
Every God damn man in my life has been a fuck up – except my father. I realize that at some point I have got to separate him from the men in my life because he isn’t one of them. But the trust I have developed with him and the fact that he has not – had not – fucked that trust up was important to me.
There is a separation… right? Am I right? Isn’t there? I know there is… you don’t have to answer that. Who do you go to when your fucking therapist is the fuck up? This man I thought I knew… guess what? I don’t know at all. That’s the separation. Right?
I don’t fucking know. I have been through 3 marriages with this guy. One husband was physically abusive, one was into child pornography and the last one was a drug addict. I’ve had 4 jobs – one of which I was asked to leave and one I was fired from. I have moved 9 times. Lived in a group home. Been in the hospital – no joke- 40+ times, including a very nice stay in a state institution for what, to me, was a long stay – 6 months (I know that is nothing compared to many people, but for me that is a long stay). This man has been there to help me through all of this… helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So I’m going to sit here and bitch I guess. I don’t now what else to do. I just don’t know. I’m numb.
Missing Peace 
God is great, Beer is good and PEOPLE are crazy
Indeed they are! Thank you.
As obvious and incomplete as it seems, sometimes life just sucks. There is no rhyme to it, there is no reason to it, but sometimes it is what it is and there is nothing you can do about it. But there is some comfort in knowing that you’re not the one that has any control in the matter, which means you are not the one that has to worry. Hopefully you can continue with this therapist, and if you can not, then you will move on to someone else..,
And as harsh as it sounds, It is what you will do, because it is a decision that must be made.
Right?
Right… thank you! I love you 🙂
🙂
Oooh!!! I hate this. So sorry about this, Jami. But then human beings… they ALWAYS disappoint at some point. Don’t take it to heart too much, it’s not about you really, but about them as imperfect beings. And if he can’t be trusted anymore, guess it means you have to forgive and accept or just change. Whatever you decide to do, let it be for you. I’m behind you all the way.
Love, love, and love you!!!
Love, love, love you too…. 🙂 Thank you. I don’t know really about the trust thing. Trust is the biggest thing in the world form me even tho I suck at it myself. Maybe that’s why I’m so sensitive about it… Thank you beautiful.
I think I suck at it too… ha ha!
Bloody hell, what did he do? Is it definitely over? Can you talk these feelings through with him? I don’t want you to stay close to him if he is dangerous, but equally I think this is a hugely important conversation for you to have with him. Supporting you x
Thank you. I have worked with him for a very long time. We talked yesterday and will be talking about it for a long time. It has to do with billing medicare and that is a fucking mess for anyone and everyone…
My problem is that anytime and every time I have supported anyone who has messed up I was wrong for doing it…. my gut tells me one thing, but my gut has been puking up shit for 24 hours straight also… soooooo…..
I don’t know… I just don’t know. Thank you 🙂
Shiiiiiiit 😦
Could you even trust him again? Maybe your gut is right?
Anyway, I hope you feel better soon.
Yeah… I’m still working thru it all. I’m just not sure.
Hey my friend, my heart goes out to you. I pray you find the peace you need to get through this thing. Love you
That means a lot to mean… all of you do. I think that I’m stuck in the “all about me” tape… this man has helped me sooo much. I just don’t know tho…. I don’t know. Thank you 🙂
Everyone has written such supportive, caring comments….I echo them all, beautiful. I am SO sorry that you’ve been puking from the shock, disgust etc. I hope over the next few days you’ll feel more clear about what to do. Love you and my precious Bailey!!!! Xoxo
I think I’m ok. What happened to him did not happen to me. It won’t affect the loads of help he has given me… I don’t know. He has helped me so much. I just don’t know. Thank you Doll. 🙂 Love you!!!!